


Why can't you see that I love you?

by klaineQmuke



Category: Ant and Dec
Genre: Angst, Boys Kissing, Drama, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2021-01-03 15:07:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21181448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/klaineQmuke/pseuds/klaineQmuke
Summary: So the basic storyline is that Ant and Dec are both single- neither are married. Ant is bisexual and Dec is gay. But both are in the closet due to what the media would do if they found out.Both Ant and Dec have had a few girlfriends but all have been actors to help the media believe that they are straight.Both are also in love with the other but can't believe that the other feels the same way





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy! :)

So how was your date?' Dec asked, getting up off the sofa to greet Ant by the door. Ant shook his head, and took off his jacket, gesturing to the living room. Dec grimaced, knowing that meant it didn't go well, and sat beside Ant on the sofa. 'Friends' was quietly playing on the telly.

'You had a good night?' Ant asked, changing the subject.

'Yeah great, just watched some Friends and had a few beers, you know, the usual,' Dec answered, realising how sad his life really was that on a Saturday he was home alone with just the TV for company.

'Sounds better than my night Dec,' Ant added, frowning slightly.

'How come? Didn't you have a date?'

'Yeah,' Ant looked miserable as he said this.

'Well... How was it?'

'Pretty average,' Ant replied back, 'She didn't seem to care about me at all, to be honest with you.' Ant ran his fingers through his gelled hair and laughed. 'It's ridiculous really, people only want to date me for the money or for the fame.'

'Don't say that,' Dec chirped in, placing his hand on Ant's knee. 'People don't know what they're missing when they're with you and not taking in every second of the time.'

Ant pulled Dec into a hug. 'Thanks Dec, you're the best friend I could ever have. I know I don't say it enough though.' 

Dec slid down so he was lying along the sofa, head on Ant's chest. 'You're welcome.' The word 'friend' felt like a stab with an ice cold knife. 'Friend'. Friends is all we are, and all we will ever be.

He should be used to this, years and years of watching Ant date women and sometimes even men, and never noticing that the person who wanted him most was always beside him. He knew Ant was bisexual, but not to the public. It was something between the two of them, the same as Ant knew Dec was gay. Dec sometimes had girlfriends of course, for publicity reasons, and so no one suspected anything, but all in all they were actors, and nothing more than a colleague.

They had never discussed dating between themselves really, they never needed too. As both were as close as they are they felt no need to talk about 'their relationship' or the boundaries. As far as they were concerned, they were best friends with practically no boundaries.

It hurt Dec though, to see all these people date his best friend and then leave him. It broke his heart to see his friend so miserable. And in recent years the crush he developed on Ant back when they were teenagers had been growing, until Dec was convinced he was practically in love with the man. I mean cmon, a crush for over ten years? It must be love by this point.

Sure Dec dated other people and sometimes he dated guys for real, having a great relationship with them but it was always the same. To see another person with Ant, touching him or hugging him or even kissing him, sent a pang of jealousy straight through him. Why were they just friends after all these years?

'Why just friends?' Dec asked himself in his head, preparing to spend yet another night pondering this question.

'What?' Ant replied, tearing his eyes away from the screen to look into Dec's. Dec craned his neck to look up at Ant and blushed.

'W-what?' He stuttered back.

'You said something about just being friends?'

'Oh... I meant... Um... Ross and Rachel, they're always on and off again, why are they just friends?' Dec spluttered.

Ant looked at Dec for a second, an unreadable expression on his face. He masked it quickly though with a laugh. 'I know what you mean buddy. Wouldn't you think two people that have been friends for years could be more than that? Or at least have some feelings there?' He looked at Dec.

Why couldn't Dec see it? The obvious way Ant felt about him? Yeah he went on dates but so did Dec, they had to for publicity and so people didn't become suspecting over them not dating anyone. But surely Dec could see that Ant had loved him for years now? That he was his absolute world? Ant leant his face a little closer to Dec.

Why couldn't Dec see that he was all Ant thought about? That whenever he wasn't around Ant felt like he had a piece of him missing! Why couldn't he see that Ant was completely head over heels in love with him?

'Y-yeah. I guess you would.' Dec smiled sadly and looked back at the TV, completely unaware of the fact that Ant was about to kiss him.

-

It wasn't long until Dec had fallen asleep with his head on Ant's lap. Ant watched the steady rise and fall of Dec's back as he slept.

The telly continued to hum but Ant had turned the sound off, instead he focused his attention on the way that Dec made a soft little sound every time he breathed out, the way his hands twitched a little in his sleep.

Ant ran his fingers through Dec's hair, seeing Dec's eyes flutter open as he did so.

'I didn't mean to wake you.'

'That's okay.' Dec smiled. Lying here with Ant, in the dark, just being able to make out each other's faces, was one of his favourite things to do; spending this time with his best friend, not even doing anything, just relaxing.

Ant continued to play with Dec's hair and Dec hummed happily.

A few moments passed in silence before Ant broke it.

'Dec? Dec, can I ask you something?'

'Sure,' Dec replied, turning a little so he could look up to Ant's face easier.

Ant took a shaky breath. 'Why is it that only people who want me for the money date me? Am I not enough?'

'Don't you ever think that,' Dec began, bringing his hand up to stroke down Ant's cheek. 'You're more than enough, and if someone only wants you for the money, then screw 'em! You don't need them in your life! You will find someone Ant, I promise you.' Ant nodded, looking down at Dec.

Get some sleep,' Dec said, curling up into Ant's lap again and pulling a blanket over them both, finding Ant's hand and entwining their fingers.

Ant pressed a light kiss to his friend's temple. 'Night Decky.'


	2. Two

Dec's P.OV

'I love you Ant,' I whispered, pulling him close to me and running my fingers up and down his muscly arms.

'I love you too Dec.'

I pressed a light kiss to Ant's hair and snuggled in beside him. We were in my room. Not doing anything, just lying in bed and looking into each other's eyes.

Ant leant forwards and kissed me, his hands reaching out to hold onto my hair. I giggled and pulled away, turning round and snuggling down into the quilt. Within seconds I had Ant's warm body pressed up against my back, his arm draped over my waist, and his breath tickling the hairs on the back of my neck. 

-

I woke up slowly, my eyes not wanting to adjust to the bright beam of light shining through the window. I let the feeling of the sun's warmth relax me, and as it did so I realised that I was still on the sofa, and Ant was no where to be seen. 

The realisation that it was just a dream hit me. But I was used to it by now as it hit me every day when I woke up after that same dream.

I yawned and sat up, rubbing my eyes much like a small child does, before wandering through to the kitchen and putting the kettle on.

Once I'd made myself a cup of coffee I went and sat back on the sofa, grabbing my phone off the coffee table and flicking through my notifications. I had a text from Ant, that read:

Woke up early, didn't want to wake you. I've gone to buy you breakfast (you can thank me later). Xx

I leant back against the sofa and grinned. Today was going to be a good day.

-

Ant came back with a lot of food, probably more than they needed, but nothing was too good for his Dec.

As Dec began to unpack the bags, Ant made himself a coffee and made Dec another one, placing them both on the table. Dec had finished unloading the shopping by this time and picked up the bacon ready to start cooking.

'What're you doing Declan?' Ant asked playfully.

'Well Anthony, I'm making you breakfast,' Dec replied, opening the packet but before he could Ant had his arms round his friend's waist from behind.

'Oh no you're not, it's my turn to make you breakfast,' Ant insisted.

Dec leant back against Ant and smiled. 'Only you would turn cooking bacon into a competition Anthony.'

'Hey it's not my fault I wanna be nice to you sometimes!' Ant slapped Dec playfully on the arm.

'Alright alright I'll let you cook,' Dec said, giving in. 

Ant smiled. 'Knew I'd wear you down.'

Dec just gently elbowed Ant's rib cage and walked back into the living room with his coffee. He turned the telly on and began flipping through channels to see what caught his eye.

Just as Dec settled on 'The Big Bang Theory', his phone buzzed. It was a text from Ali, his agent:

Have the day off today Sweetie, you deserve it. Ant has the day off too.   
Feel free to give me a call if you want to do something together.  
See you tomorrow Hun,  
Ali x

Dec smiled and sent back a quick reply telling her he would be spending the day with Ant, before resuming his previous position.

Ant walked in minutes later, having made Dec a bacon sandwich and poured him some orange juice.

'Thanks,' Dec murmured as he tucked in straight away.

Ant grinned. 'Oh, hey I need to tell you. My agent texted me and gave me the day off, so I'm going to meet up with Lisa.'

Dec felt his heart drop. 'Who's Lisa?' He asked, trying to stay nonchalant.

Ant's face lit up, 'she's a make up artist for some shows on the ITV and she's really cool. She asked if I wanted to go out for coffee and I don't see why not.'

Dec froze. Was this a date? Was Ant going on a date?

'Is, um is this a date?' Dec managed to squeeze out.

Ant shifted awkwardly, just swirling his juice around in the glass. 'Well, I don't know. I don't think it is but she might.'

Ant couldn't do it anymore. He knew he was in love with Dec but he couldn't tell him, it would destroy their friendship because he didn't feel the same way. He had to date someone else or try and get feelings for someone else so he didn't spend all day, every day, wishing he had a man who didn't feel the same about him.

'On second thoughts, sure. Why shouldn't it be a date?' Ant nodded his head firmly. 'Could be worth a shot right?'

'Yeah. Yeah I agree,' Dec mumbled. He didn't feel like eating his breakfast anymore.

'Should I just tell him?' Dec thought. I mean, I could always pass it off as a joke if he doesn't feel the same but I've felt this way for years! He needs to know, at least before he dates this 'Lisa'.

I mean, wasn't there even the smallest glimmer of hope that Ant could like him back? A sudden surge of confidence rose over Dec, he had to talk now or he never would.

'Ant!' Dec squeaked, breaking out of his train of thought.

'Yeah?' Ant looked quite nervous, but maybe that's because he was thinking about Lisa. 

'I need to tell you something.' Dec started shaking.

'What?' 

Dec turned so he was facing Ant on the sofa. He took a deep breath. 'Ant, I don't think it's right to keep this from you anymore. I've felt this way for so long and I just need to tell you before I regret not doing it.'

He took Ant's hands in his and Ant's heart began thudding.

'Ant, I think I'm in love with-'

Ring! Ring! 

The boys jumped apart as the doorbell sounded. Ant shot up excitedly. 'That's Lisa!' He ran to the mirror and ran his hands though his hair, undid his top shirt button, and grabbed his jacket.

'I won't be gone long, you can finish telling me that thing when I get back yeah?'

Dec forced a smile. 'Of course. Have fun.'

With that, Ant practically ran out of the door.

Dec felt a few tears well up in his eyes. Was he too late already?


	3. Three

Dec's P.O.V

After about an hour of pacing around the house, I decided to do something. If Ant was moving on his life, then why shouldn't I?

I mean, I was about to tell him how I felt this morning and then he left. For another person, that wasn't me. Maybe there's still a chance for us? But for now, I needed some company at least.

It was no secret to me that my agent, Ali, was attracted to me, she always had been. I told her I was bisexual when in fact I was gay. So she thought I dated women.

I picked up my phone and wrote out a message. Deleted it. Wrote it again, and sent it.

Hi Ali, I want to take you up on that offer of meeting up today? If you still want to just shoot me a text. Dec.

My phone had only been out of my hand a few seconds before I had a reply:

Sounds good to me. Wanna come pick me up in about half an hour? Xx

I reply with a 'sure,' and run upstairs to change into black skinny jeans, with a plain white shirt and a red and black flannel on top. I comb through my hair, making a real effort to help it look neat for once. A quick spray with lynx and I'm all done.

-

When I pull up outside Ali's house, I start to think that this could be a really bad idea. But it's not a date, I told myself. It's not a date. We're just friends and the fact that she's known me since I was a teenager means we can be honest with each other. Maybe I could tell her about my feelings for Ant? Worst comes to the worst, Ali is left a little disappointed and we're still friends. 

I step out of the car and walk up to Ali's door. Before I can even knock she opens it, and smiles.

I smile too, she is one of my closest friends and instantly I feel relaxed in her presence. She's the closest thing to Ant that's not Ant.

'Hey you,' she says, smiling.

I pull her into a hug and press a quick kiss on her cheek. 'Ready for coffee?'

'I sure am! Thank you Dec, you've saved me from a day of complete boredom!' 

She looks beautiful. She's wearing some blue jeans and a white blouse, and her long blonde hair falls past her shoulders. If I wasn't gay, I know for sure that I would be attracted to her.

We walk over to the car and I open her door for her, she giggles as she climbs into the car. We drive for a while, having small chit chat and listening to the radio. 

When we pulled up outside Starbucks, I went to get out of the car, but Ali stopped me by resting her hand on my arm.

'Dec? Is this a date?' She asked. 'I mean, I know we've been out for coffee before but this feels... different. What do you say, wanna try it?'

'W-what like...?' I spluttered.

'Like, dating. Boyfriend and girlfriend,' Ali said, looking nervous.

I turned to face her, 'but Ali, we are such good friends...'

I saw her face drop and she looked down. 'Sorry,' she muttered.

'No no no, no Ali don't be sorry,' I said, putting two fingers under her chin and turning her head to face me. 'You've done nothing wro-'

I was cut off as she pressed her lips to mine. 

I don't know whether it was because I hadn't kissed someone in so long, or because I craved that kind of affection, but I kissed her back. 

And in that moment I forgot all about Ant. I forgot all about my feelings for him, I forgot that he was out with Lisa. It was just me and Ali in the car, with her delicate hands wrapped round my neck, and mine laid on her waist.

When she pulled away she was smiling. 'I never knew you felt the same,' she grinned, and stepped out of the car.

Caught up in the moment, I climbed out too, taking her hand as we walked in through the doors. Ali pressed a gentle kiss to my cheek as we reached the counter and ordered our drinks. It felt nice, holding her hand. I'd missed this kind of intimate comfort. I mean, I know I get it with Ant but it doesn't mean anything. But this time it does, and it's exhilarating.

'Here's your coffees sir.' The man handed over the drinks, and I told him to keep the change as we tried to find a place to sit. It was quite crowded downstairs so we decided to try upstairs instead.

We found a small table for two in the corner of the room which was perfect. As we sat down, Ali kept our hands entwined and lay them on the table by the drinks. She smiled at me, and leant in. This time I was prepared. She kissed me so gently, and I kissed her back again, slowly running the pad of my thumb across her knuckles.

'Dec?' A beautifully familiar voice broke our kissing, and I pulled away from Ali...

Ant was standing right beside the table. 

With Lisa.

I forgot he was taking Lisa out for coffee.

He didn't look impressed.

-

I blushed furiously. 'A-ant, I can explain!' I stuttered but Ant gave an uneasy smile.

'How long have you two been...' I thought I saw his eyes drop to our hands which were still entwined together on the table. 

'Not long. Literally about a half an hour,' I reply, feeling guiltier and guiltier with every word.

How could I do this? Move on from Ant so quickly? Not that there was anything to move on from, Ant didn't like me like that, but to kiss someone else? I felt terrible.

Ant forced a smile. 'I'm happy for you,' he said in a monotone voice, and walked off with Lisa behind him, looking very confused.

'What's up with him?' Ali asked.

'I don't know.' 

And I didn't know. He doesn't like me back so why did he act like he hated me and Ali together?

Could he feel the same? No, no of course he didn't. He was bi for one and he had Lisa! But was he actually dating Lisa? 

All I knew, was that I had messed up big time. I should have told Ant, I should have told him how I felt. But it was too late now, I was (sort of) dating Ali, so I couldn't say anything could I? Had I really missed my chance?


	4. Four

Dec's P.O.V

We didn't stay for long in the coffee shop afterwards. Ali understood that I needed to sort things out with Ant, and I lightly suggested I drop her off back home.

She kissed me before she got out of the car, and as she pulled me into an embrace she whispered, 'I'm so glad we're finally official.'

I forced a grimace and muttered a 'goodbye' and drove off the second she was out of the car.

I liked her. As a friend. 

I didn't like her as a anything more than a friend. And now we were dating! What had I done? Sure I had my suspicions that I may like her at first when she kissed me, but I'd never thought about her that way until then; and even so I only kissed her back because I hadn't kissed someone for so long... and lips were lips. A girl's or a guy's.

But the only lips I really really really wanted to kiss were those of Ant's. 

I understood now. Someone was just showing me the affection that I craved and I fell into the trap. I didn't have feelings for her, I just liked how she made me feel at the time.

-

Third person P.O.V

Dec shakily walked up the path to his and Ant's house. Why did he feel so nervous? All he was doing was going home!

As he opened the door, an amazing smell hit him. Someone was baking. Happily, Dec walked into the kitchen, hoping to see Ant wearing his funny little apron Dec had bought for him, and that everything would be okay.

'What you cooking Anth?' Dec asked as he walked into the kitchen.

But it wasn't Ant in the kitchen. It was Lisa.

'Hi Declan!' Lisa said, seeming genuinely pleased to see him. 

Dec knew he couldn't be rude or flippant, Lisa hadn't done anything wrong. 'Hi pet, you alright?' Dec replied, thanking himself for being good at holding a conversation.

'Yeah I'm good thanks, just making some brownies. Ant said he liked them and he was feeling a bit sad earlier so I thought I'd make them to cheer him up. He'll be back soon.' Lisa hummed to herself while she stirred the melting chocolate.

'Oh okay.' Dec paused for a moment. 'Say pet, where'd he go?' Dec wanted to go and cheer him up, he hated seeing his best friend sad.

'He went to the pub, just the one down the road,' Lisa replied. 'I think he'll be happy to see your face.' She smiled and sprinkled some flour atop of the chocolate.

'Why my face? Why not yours?' Dec asked, perhaps a little sulkily. Why would Ant want to see Dec when he had clearly upset his best friend over this? Though for reasons he wasn't entirely sure of.

Lisa walked over to the fridge and took out a box of brownies, and handed them to Dec. 'Here, I made these earlier. Take them, it'll cheer him up.' Dec thanked her with a small smile, and began to walk out of the kitchen, (still not entirely sure Ant would want to see him), but before he could, Lisa's words stopped him.

'It wasn't a date today you know. Me and him.' She paused, seeming uncertain on whether or not she should go on. Dec turned around to meet Lisa's innocent gaze. 'In fact, he didn't seem to talk about anything other than you.' She smiled shyly, and with that, she turned her back on Dec and continued baking, leaving Dec very confused, but slightly hopeful, to leave the house.

-

Ant wasn't hard to find. He was in his usual bar stool, round the left hand side, and right at the end where it was quite secluded, and not many people could see you. However Dec knew, and his place was right next to Ant's, still unoccupied.

There weren't many people in the pub, one barman talking to a customer round the other side of the bar, a coupe sitting alone on one of the squashy sofas near the back room, and a few lone people dotted around, either reading a newspaper or playing on their phone- one of the two.

Dec walked round to Ant's barstool, and it broke his heart to see Ant in the way that he was. He was swirling the froth around on the top of a single pint, while tears gently fell down his face and dropped onto the table where a little puddle was forming.

Dec walked up so he was standing right beside Ant's barstool. He tapped his shoulder, 'Anth? Hey buddy.' Dec placed the brownies down on the stool behind him. 'Cmon buddy talk to me,' Dec said, when Ant still hadn't lifted his head. 

Ant sniffled and wiped a few tears away with his sleeve before slowly raising his eyes to meet Dec's. His face was puffy and red and his eyes were bloodshot. There were discarded tissues all along the bar in front of him.

Seeing Dec just made fresh tears leak in Ant's eyes, and he tried and failed to muffle a loud sob. 'Hey shhh, it's okay,' Dec whispered, not entirely sure why Ant was crying so much. Dec pulled Ant close to him and wrapped his arms around him. Ant flopped into Dec's arms, and grabbed fistfuls of his shirt as if he was scared Dec would run away.

'It's okay Ant, it's okay.' All I could do was talk to him as he cried, gently stroke his hair and pull him tighter when his crying got worse.

It must have looked a weird sight to anyone else, one man crying on a barstool, leaning into the touch of the other man who's standing next to the same barstool, arms wrapped round this sobbing mess.

Luckily no one was watching, everyone was either minding their own business or too drunk to care, which worked out well for us. Ant's crying had subsided a little now. I was just thankful that he was comfortable enough around me to cry and not mind me seeing him like that.

I pulled the barstool behind me closer so it was right next to Ant's without a gap in between. The brownies lay forgotten.


	5. Five

Dec sat next to Ant on their joined bar stools. Ant had stopped crying now, and seemed ready to talk; maybe Dec could help if he knew what was wrong, but he had a feeling it was to do with the fact that he didn't tell Ant about him and Ali being together. Even though they weren't anymore but Ant didn't know that.

'So, you gonna tell me what's wrong?' Dec asked, gently grabbing hold of one of Ant's hands that was laid in his lap. Ant sniffled and nodded, interlocking their fingers together and rubbing the pad of his thumb over Dec's knuckles.

Dec tried to ignore the shivers that travelled down his spine at Ant's delicate touch. 'Cmon then,' Dec prompted, 'what's wrong Anth?'

Ant lifted his head to look Dec in the eyes. 'Promise you won't freak out?'

'I promise,' Dec replied, squeezing Ant's hand.

Ant took a deep breath. 'I don't like you dating Ali. I'm sorry, I know I sound like a dick, but for one you're gay Dec! Why were you kissing her?' He was almost shouting by the time he got to the last part, so Dec could tell Ant was really worked up over this.

'Shhhh, Anth don't shout...'

'But I'm angry Dec! You're lying to me, are you gay or not? Are you dating Ali or not? Do you even like her? Do you not trust me anymore? Is that why you didn't tell me about her? Do you...'

Dec cut Ant off by kissing him with such passion that Ant almost didn't react. Dec pushed his bottom lip between Ant's two which prompted Ant to kiss back. He tentatively moved his lips against Dec's, wanting to savour this moment as no one knew what would happen after the kiss ended.

Dec opened his mouth a little wider and tilted his head to the side to deepen the kiss. Ant moaned and rubbed one of his hands up and down Dec's chest, while Dec's fingers curled at the back of his neck, scratching slightly. It was perfect.

Dec pulled away after a while, breathing heavy and resting his forehead against Ant's. Ant stole one last lingering kiss from Dec, before pulling away completely.

'What was that?' He asked, staring at Dec, but he was trembling.

'It was me, showing you how I really feel about you. It's only you, Ant.' Dec laughed with tears flooding his eyes. 'It's always been you. Ever since we were kids you were the only person I wanted to be around, the only person I wanted to spend time with. When we got older and you dated people I was so jealous and I couldn't figure out why but now I know, it's not just because I want your attention and love, but I need your attention and love, I need you... I love you.'

Dec blinked and his tears cascaded down his face. 'I love you Ant, I love you, I love you so so much.'

Ant froze. 'Dec I- I don't know what to say.' Dec just confessed his love for him. That's what he'd wanted to hear for months, years! Yet somehow it felt wrong, he wasn't meant to tell him now, after kissing someone else. And a girl. 

'Dec, I can't do this.' Ant stood up and grabbed his jacket, dropping Dec's hand. 'I've got to go.' And with that he ran from the pub, leaving Dec broken, and confused.

-

Dec didn't stay in the pub long after Ant stormed out. He hoped to catch Ant on the way home but he didn't. Ant wasn't at home either, and Lisa had packed up and gone. Where was Ant?

Had he pushed it too far? 'Shit,' Dec said to himself as he stormed back out of his house to try and find Ant. His car was still there so he couldn't have gone far. 'Oh shit,' he exclaimed again, looking both ways before running across the road to a nearby shop. 

After skimming by the shop and noting that his best friend was not there, Dec tried calling Ant's mam. He wasn't there either.

Dec started to panic now, where could he be? 'I'm so sorry Ant,' Dec muttered, running round everywhere he could to try and find the missing lad.

'I shouldn't have told you how I felt,' Dec thought. 'I've weirded you out and I've ruined our friendship and now you're missing. Please, Ant, where are you?'

Dec tried to call him but it went straight though to voicemail. 'Answer the phone Ant!' Dec shouted at his mobile, gaining some peculiar stares from the people all around. He tried again but still it was voicemail. 

That's when he got it- the park! Ant always went to their special bench on the park when he needed to think, that's where he'd be!

Dec slowed down to a walking pace, he needed to clear his head before seeing Ant again; he needed to apologise for saying how he felt, and make sure Ant was okay- Ant was the priority. He was positive that Ant would be in the park, and he was only five minutes away. He had to hide his feelings until now, so sure, he could pretend he was okay with just being best friends- at least he would still have Ant in some way.

Dec reached the road that led to the park, and began to walk down it, panicking slightly but knowing he had to talk to Ant. He breathed heavily, but slowly, trying to calm his racing heart.

Just as he was about to cross the road to turn into the park, Dec saw Ant across the road, looking right at him. 'Ant! Hey Ant!' Dec called, and without looking, ran straight across the road, so happy to see Ant that he completely forgot to look...

'DEC NO!' was the last thing he heard Ant scream before-

BANG!

Pain. Bright, flashing lights. More pain. Ant's face. The pain is worse. Tears. Screams. Ant's voice.

Nothing.


	6. Six

Ant's P.O.V

DEC NO!' I screamed, but it was too late. The car that I could see but Dec couldn't hit him.

It's a sight I'll never get out of my head; Dec so happy to see my face, then the shock and the pain when the car hit him and he flew backwards onto the curb. And then him just lying there, blood everywhere, his eyes ghostly... it was terrifying.

And it was my fault! I was the one who ran off, I was the one that Dec was chasing; the one he ran across the road to see. It's all my fault.

I ran over to him, carefully, (knowing if we both got hit I would be no good to him), but the traffic had stopped as people were getting out of their vehicles to help. I knelt by Dec's side and grabbed his hand, which had scrapes all over his knuckles. He screamed out in pain, and I couldn't calm him.

'It's okay Decky, shh I'm here, you're gonna be okay,' I said, but I wasn't sure if he could hear me or not. Dec slowly glanced at me, opened his mouth to say something, then closed them and went still. 'Dec! DEC!' I screamed but he wouldn't open his eyes again...

There were people pulling me away... I want to stay with him... panic... I can't breathe... someone is holding me... I'm fighting them... ambulances... paramedics rushing in... Dec moved into the ambulance... siren on... someone pushes me in with him... I'm next to him... blood... tubes everywhere... oxygen mask on me... can't breathe properly... sleep.

-

I wake up, calling out for Dec. I'm in an unfamiliar room, in a pristine bed. It takes me a minute to remember what happened but when I do, I go into a fresh panic.

I look to the side in a frenzy and see Dec lying in a bed about a metre away from mine. I scramble up, (nearly tripping over my hospital gown that I don't remember putting on), and slumped on the chair next to Dec's bed. The bed was quite low and so I could see Dec really easily.

A few tears escaped my eyes, and I grabbed hold of Dec's hand. 'Decky please wake up,' I whispered, choking back a sob. But there was nothing.

He had a bandage all round his head, which had blood pooling at the top, seeping through the bandage. His arm was covered in cuts and needed stitches. One of his legs was black and dark blue and had a deep gash in the side. He was wearing a small hospital gown which was open, and just his underwear.

At any other time, I would have found this arousing but not today. He just looked so... vulnerable, and small.

Knock. Knock.

I didn't say anything but a doctor walked in anyway. 'Oh, you're awake,' he said, and walked over to me. 'Are you feeling any better?' I must have looked confused so he went on; 'You passed out, we took you with us in the ambulance. We figured you two were friends from your reaction seeing him lying in the road.'

I nodded meekly and sniffed, willing myself not to cry in front of the doctor, who had started taking notes off the heart monitor Dec was plugged into. 

'Is he gonna be okay?'

The doctor nodded. 'He's gonna be just fine, he's had a few stitches on his head which will need taking out in a few weeks and he might need crutches for a month or so to help him walk, his leg is very bruised and the bone slightly dented which will make it more difficult to get around. Can I trust you to help him out with things?'

I smiled. Dec was going to be okay.  
'Yeah I'll look after him, I promise.' 

With that, the doctor returned my smile and walked out of the room, leaving me alone with Dec. 

Was this all my fault? He was running towards me. If he hadn't been, the car wouldn't have hit him. And if I hadn't run off in the first place... This was definitely all my fault.

But he kissed me! Dec actually kissed me. I've wanted this for so long but... I ran away, why did I run away? He wouldn't have kissed me like that if he didn't mean it, his hands caressing me and pulling me closer and him biting my lip... Oh god when he bit my lip... 

'Ant...' a small voice croaked. 

I smiled down at my best friend and took his hand in mine again, feeling a sudden rush if warmth at hearing his voice. 'How do you feel?' 

'I have a headache but other than that I think I'm okay. Just bruised.' Dec's eyes fluttered down to gaze at their entwined hands and he squeezed Ant's tightly. 'Ant I need to explain...' 

'No Dec you don't. It's my fault. I never should have ran away from you, especially after you told me how you felt about me.' 

Dec blushed. 'I'm sorry I shouldn't have told you that. Should have just kept it to myself.'

'No you shouldn't, I'm glad you told me,' I replied, shuffling my chair closer to the bed. 'I'm really glad you did.'

Dec smiled and squeezed my hand. 'Look Ant, about Ali...' 

I felt my face pale at the mention of her name and for a moment I felt anger towards the man lying next to me, for lying to me, and kissing her without even telling me he liked her. But I figured I should hear him out. 

'... We aren't dating, Anth, and I don't like her in that way. She's nothing more to me than a friend, I promise.'

'Then why did you kiss her?' 

'I shouldn't have, I know and I regret it so much, but she asked me if we were on a date and I said I just wanted to stay friends but then she kissed me and I haven't kissed anyone in so long and it felt nice, and I kissed her back...'

Knock knock.

The doctor poked his head round the door.' Is this a bad time?' he asked, but before he could continue, Ali ran through into the hospital room. 

'Dec! Thank goodness you're alright, I was so worried, and... Why are you here?' she asked, staring at me accusingly. 

'They bought me with him in the ambulance,' I replied. 

'Well you can leave now. I'm his girlfriend and I'll look after him. I think you've done enough anyway, don't you?' she said slyly, gesturing towards Dec lying in the hospital bed. 

I felt a pang of pain in my chest. She's right, I am the one that put him here.  
'You're right... I'll go...' and with one last look at Dec, lying there all bruised and scarred because if me, I left the room, slumped down the wall in the waiting room outside, and sobbed.


	7. Seven

Ant was miserable. 

It was his fault Dec got hit by the car. It was his fault he was in the hospital bed to start with. And it was his fault he was crying on the floor. Well, that was kind of Ali's fault too because she had made him feel like crap.

What right did Ali have to storm in and steal Dec from him? Ant had known him longer. Ant was closer to him than she was! Ali did think she was Dec's girlfriend though. But how could she be when Dec was gay? Or was he gay? Ant didn't know what to think. All he knew was he needed Ali out of the room so he could come and talk to Dec, alone, without her listening in to their conversation. If they didn't talk about this it could ruin their friendship, and Ant cared about Dec too much to let that happen. 

'Ant?' a voice startled him from his thought processing and he looked up, seeing Lisa walking towards him. 'Ant why are you on the floor?' The room had emptied out now and there were chairs available, yet he was still on the floor. 

'Because it's comfy? I don't know,' Ant huffed and stretched his arms above his head, yawning as he did so. 

'What's the matter?' Lisa asked, sitting on the chair next to Ant. 'Is Dec okay?' 

'Yeah Dec's gonna be fine. Just needs some stitches that's all, thank god.'

Lisa smiled. 'I'm glad he's okay. What about you, are you okay?' 

Ant nodded.

'Why don't you tell me what's wrong?' Lisa said, passing Ant a cup of coffee from the tray of four she had bought with her. Ant smiled and thanked her. 

'It's Dec,' Ant began, 'we were in the pub and he kissed me. I was so scared I ran away and when he came chasing after me, the car hit him. I feel like its my fault because he was chasing after me.' Ant sipped his coffee, relishing the taste. Much nicer than the hospital water he had been drinking. 

Lisa shook her head.' You didn't kiss him back?'

'No.'

'Why not? You've been wanting this for so long!'

'How did you know that?' 

Lisa laughed. 'I'm not stupid, I see the way you look at each other. You need to go talk to him.' 

'I got scared, I was scared he was just pretending and then he would leave me, or laugh at me. I love him Lisa, I honestly to god do, but I'm so scared he won't love me as much,' Ant said, feeling panic rise in his chest as he spoke. 

'Ant, go and talk to him, please. Don't you want to talk to him?' 

'I do, I'm just... I can't anyway, Ali's in there with him and she won't leave without a fight.'

'I never liked that woman. Far too clingy. Far too desperate.' 

Ant giggled. 'She is a bit isn't she? You should have seen the look on her face when she walked in and saw me and Dec holding hands! She looked so mad.' 

'Well, lucky for you, visiting time is over now, and you need to get some rest with Dec. I'll get Ali and leave, but you gotta promise you'll talk to Dec. Promise me?' 

Ant nodded. 'Yeah I promise I'll talk to him.' 

Lisa smiled and then led the way into the hospital room where Dec was. 

When they walked in, Dec was lying on the bed and Ali was next to him, holding his hand and playing with his hair. The sight made Ant jealous and he had to resist the urge to shout at her to get away from his Decky. Ant smiled at Dec and his friend smiled back. 

Ali smiled at Lisa. 'We need to go, visiting time is over,' she said, but Ali shook her head. 

'I'm staying here, my boyfriend needs me tonight. I won't leave his side while he's this poorly.' 

Dec rolled his eyes at Ant and Ant had to resist the urge to giggle. 

Lisa smiled. 'Shouldn't we let Dec decide himself which person he wants to stay the night with him?' 

'Don't be silly, of course he'll choose me. We're a couple now, he needs me,' Ali said firmly. 

'Actually Ali, about that... I want Ant to stay with me tonight.'

Ant's heart skipped a beat. 'You what?' Ali asked, looking angry. 'You want him over me?' 

She stood up and put her hands on her hips, looking very much like a stropping child who is determined to get what she wants. 

'It's his fault you're here! You were running to him when the car hit you! He might as well have been driving the car that nearly killed you!' 

Dec grimaced. 'Ali listen, it wasn't Ant's fault. I ran into the road. I didn't look where I was going. And I'm not nearly dead so please don't be so dramatic.'

Ali blushed. 'I'm just worried about my boyfriend what's so wrong with that?' 

'Ali I'm not your boyfriend. We aren't a couple. I'm sorry, but I don't like you like that. You kissed me and I kissed you back but that's it. We aren't anything more than friends who happened to kiss one time. I like somebody else and I'm sorry but I want to be with them.'

Ali stood rooted to the spot. Lisa linked her arm and tried to pull her away but she shook her off and glared at Ant instead. 

'This is all your fault!' 

Ant smiled. 'Yes we've established that. Many times now.' 

Lisa stepped forwards. 'Dec, who do you want staying with you tonight?' Ali looked hopeful but Dec's eyes met Ant's straight away. 

Ant walked over to the bed where Dec lay and sat down next to him in the chair, grasping his hand tightly. 

Ali shot one last evil look at the pair of them before she stormed out of the room, Lisa smiling and wishing them both a good night's sleep before following her out of the room, closing the door behind her. 

A few second passed by in silence. Ant broke the tension by moving to sit on the bed opposite Dec, looking down at him. 

'So, you ready to talk?' Dec asked. 

Ant nodded. 'Yeah. There's something I need to tell you.'


	8. Eight

Ant was comfy, sitting on the edge of the bed holding both of Dec's hands in his, staring down at his best friend who was looking back at him, his beautiful big eyes so full of emotion it hurt Ant to look into them but at the same time he didn't want to look away. Dec smiled, brushing a stray strand of hair out of Ant's eyes and caressing his cheek gently. 

In some ways both boys knew they'd end up together after this, but they also knew they needed to talk things through, clear the air, make a fresh start. Ant had so many questions. Was Dec actually gay? What happened with Ali? Why did he kiss her? Did he mean it when he confessed his love for him? If he was joking Ant didn't think he could handle it, he'd be heart broken. 

'How're you feeling now bud?' he asked. 

'Much better now you're here.' Dec paused, and looked down. 'I missed you.'

Ant smiled. 'I missed you too. Was so boring sitting outside. Well until Lisa came and talked to me for a bit.'

Dec forced a smile. 'What's the deal with you and Lisa?' He could feel himself getting jealous already. 

'Nothing more than friends Dec, honestly that's it. We went for coffee, I thought she would think it was a date but she didn't, she just wanted to have a chat about some stuff going on at home which I helped her with, and then she helped me with some things I was worried about.' Ant paused.  
'And then you and Ali came in and then you were there for that part.'

Dec wanted to scream internally. They're just friends! Better explain that him and Ali are just friends now. 

'She wouldn't shut up all afternoon about how worried she was and how much I meant to her and I get we're friends but she was acting like I was dying,' Dec complained, pouting a little. The hardest thing Ant had ever done was resist kissing the adorable pout off his face. 

'Dec are you gay?' 

Dec laughed. 'Yeah of course I am, why would you think I'm not?' 

'Because you kissed a woman Dec, that's not what gay guys do.' 

Dec stroked Ant's knuckles with the pad of his thumb hoping to sooth him. 'I know, I know and it's stupid that I kissed her. Honestly Ant, the only reason I did was because she kissed me and I hadn't kissed anyone for months and I was in love with you...' 

'You were in love with me so you kissed another woman?' Ant looked slightly hurt. 

Dec sat up in bed so he was closer to his friend. 'I regret it so much, but I told her I don't want to be with her didn't I? Because I don't, Ant, I don't want to be with her. I've told you how I feel about you, and if you don't feel the same that's okay, we can just forget about my feelings and...' 

Ant cut him off.  
'... who says I don't feel the same?'

Dec looked taken aback.  
' But when I kissed you you ran away? That's usually not a good sign unless my kissing skills really are that appalling.'

Ant smiled. 'You're kissing was good, I promise. I'd just wanted to hear you confess your love for me for so long that when you did I got scared you were making it up and ran.' 

Dec removed one of his hands from Ant's grip and placed it round the curve at the back of his neck.  
'Do you think I'm joking?' 

Ant shrugged his shoulders. 'I did earlier, seemed too good to be true.'

Dec leaned closer and feathered a light kiss to Ant's neck. 'Do you think I'm joking now?' he whispered, leaving little kisses along his neck and up to his jawline. 

'I don't know,' Ant said, trying to ignore the pleasure these kisses were giving him. 

Dec pulled gently on Ant's hair at the back and nibbled on his earlobe, making Ant moan quietly. 

Ant breathed heavily, 'I'm starting to think you're being for real.' 

Dec craned his head up to look into Ant's eyes. 'I am being for real,' he whispered, closing the gap between them and kissing Ant softly on the lips. 

'I love you, I honest to God love you Ant, Ali is nothing more than a friend to me, I want to be with you. It's always been you Ant. You're my missing piece.' 

Ant blushed and looked down. 'Um Dec, are you in any pain? Like at the moment?'

Dec looked surprise at the change in topic but answered all the same. 'No, no pain. I'm fine.' 

'Good, then I can do this.' Ant pushed Dec backwards so he was lying down and clambered on top of him, kissing him roughly. Dec let out a squeak of surprise but wrapped his arms round the other boy's neck and sunk into it, kissing back with everything he had. 

Ant slipped his tongue into Dec's mouth, making him moan, and unconsciously buck his hips up towards Ant's crotch. 

Both boys moaned at the contact, starting to rut against each other, feeling each other's hard on pressed into their own. Ant was grinding down on Dec who was whining and sucking on Ant's bottom lip messily. 

'Fuck me,' Ant breathed, pulling away from Dec's lips for a second and collapsing onto his shoulder. 'We could have been doing this for years,' he exclaimed. 

Dec smiled up at Ant, lips all plump and red from the kissing and he had a sheet of sweat on his head. He looked beautiful. 

Ant kissed his nose softly and cuddled into the side of Dec, wrapping an arm over him.  
'We can do it for years now,' Dec replied, rolling over to face Ant. 

And that's how they fell asleep, looking into each other's eyes, giving each other the occasional kiss here and there, knowing when they woke up they'd be together and everything would be okay.

Or so they thought.


	9. Nine

Ant woke up with a little stretch and a yawn, rubbed his eyes and snuggled down in bed. Who'd have thought a hospital bed could be so comfy, and warm? He pulled the covers up to his nose and snuggled down, letting out a little "hmmm" noise as he got all relaxed again. 

"You're something else you are." 

Ant startled a little, and then smiled. He forgot for a second he was in bed with his beautiful boyfriend. Best friend? Boyfriend? Well, they were basically boyfriend and boyfriend, or was Ant just sleep disorientated? What happened last night- did they kiss or was it just a dream? 

A little feathered kiss was pressed to Ant's nose, then his cheek, his other cheek, and his forehead. 

"So so adorable. Like a sleepy little kitten," Dec murmured, brushing a hand through Dec's hair and pulling him closer by the waist with his other hand. 

Ant felt a rush of excitement, and buried his face in the chest of the smaller boy, relishing the warmth. 

"Ouch, that's sore Anth," Dec whined, and Ant remembered... Shit, he was hit by a car yesterday. He shot up and started looking him over. 

"Oh god, Dec I'm so sorry, I was just so excited to see you, are you OK? How's the pain? Head feeling better?" Ant shot up in bed and rubbed his temples. "Do you want me to get you some painkillers or... Or call a doctor? Which doctor? I can't remember his name, but I'll find him, just hang on..." 

Dec laughed and grabbed Ant's shoulder, pulling him back down with him. He pressed a light kiss to his lips. 

"Calm down Anth, I'm fine, just a bit tender when you leant on me is all."

Ant nodded and looked a bit guilty. 

"Here," Dec suggested, "I'll come lie on you. Then I can get myself comfy yeah?" 

Ant nodded enthusiastically and lay back with his arms open. Dec couldn't help but giggle at how cute he was; he crawled up onto Ant's chest so he was lying with his face right next to his best friend's, and cupped his chin with one hand, using his thumb to stroke his cheek. 

"Can I kiss you, Anth? Please?" 

Ant smiled. "Anytime you want sweetheart." 

Dec leant in and pressed a firm kiss to Ant's lips, pulling him closer while he did so. Fuck, this felt too good. After a minute, Ant traced his tongue along the roof of Dec's mouth, then dragged it along his bottom lip, and then across his tongue, all the while squeezing his ass. 

"Fucking hell Anth," Dec moaned as Ant moved from his lips and started kissing his jawline. 

"Wh... Where is all... This coming from..." Dec panted, trying to calm the growing erection in his pants. 

"Ohh baby, I've wanted to do this to you for years and years." 

Ant licked down Dec's neck, sucking little love bites into the skin, licking his earlobe, just anywhere he could reach to get his mouth on. 

"Fuuuuuuck Anth, you're making me feel so good." 

Knock. Knock. 

Both boys jumped apart, and pulled up the covers with a little giggle, like two schoolkids getting caught kissing in the playground. 

"Come in Doctor," Dec said, readjusting himself under the covers. 

The doctor walked in and smiled. "I hope you're being gentle with him Ant. He has quite a few bruises." 

They laughed. "I am doctor, don't worry. I'll take care of him." 

The doctor nodded. "I trust that you will Ant, thank you." He turned to face Dec. "How's the pain?" 

Dec shrugged. "It's okay, head feels a bit dizzy and I feel a bit queasy and tender, but nothing terrible. Stitches are itchy too. "

The doctor made some notes on his clipboard and then turned to Ant. "Would you go down to the café and get him something to eat? Once we see how food settles in his system, we can get him home."

Ant nodded. "No problem." 

Ant turned to Dec as the doctor left, closing the door behind him. "What do you want to eat pet?" 

Dec smirked. "You." 

Ant felt a pang of arousal go straight through him. God, the amount of times he'd imagined that happening. 

"You're so fucking naughty Dec," Ant walked over to him and climbed onto the bed, straddling the smaller boy's legs and staring into his eyes. "You're so fucking naughty," he whispered, and leant into kiss him... 

But before Dec could make their lips meet, Ant pulled away and got off the bed. "I'm going to the café, be back in ten," and with that he winked and left, leaving a very happy and very turned on Dec behind. 

-

Ant wandered down to the hospital café which was quite a way considering. He noticed fans pressed up against the window, heard the screams as he walked past but he couldn't bring himself to care. He waved at them, faked a smile and gave them a thumbs up, but it was all fake, he didn't appreciate how they couldn't respect privacy at a time like this. 

Ant loved his fans, and appreciated them all so much, but sometimes he just needed space. And when his best friend/ the love of his life had just been hit by a car? That was the time for space. 

Ant reached the café and went and stood in the queue. There was only about three people in front of him, all in hospital gowns. One had a broken arm, one had a drip in their arm, and the third he couldn't see.

A clock on the wall showed him it was 7.32am, so still very early. Ant yawned and walked away from the hospital café to the little greggs the other side of the room. He bought a couple of sausage rolls and cakes, and began to head back up to the room.

But when he got there, the door was already ajar, and Dec was not alone. He pressed his ear to the gap when he heard a women's tones.

It was Ali.

"I swear to god Dec, whatever is going on between you and that friend of yours is finished, now. I'm not having this shit. You're not making a fool of me..."

"I never made a fool of you!" Dec snapped. "I never said I liked you Ali! You made it up in your head and insisted I feel the same way..."

"... Which you do!"

"No Ali, I don't! Please, for gods sake, understand. I don't like you in that way. I can't believe what you said you'd do..."

"Well, it's happening Dec. You date me and work things out with me and dump that useless Ant, or I'm going to make things so difficult for both of you that you'll have to leave each other. Either way, you'll come back to me."


End file.
